Shangri-La for a Big City Girl

A great piece of art, whether it be a painting or a novel, appeals to a unique part of each person's soul.  Ask a hundred people what they think of the piece, and you're likely to get a hundred different responses.  So too, is it with our hometowns.  

I associate Jasper with family and camaraderie, as well as, desperation and monotony.  Each quality deserves an elaborative post, and will receive one in due time.  However, I'm choosing, instead, to write about what Jasper means to a friend of mine.

January (yes, her name is a month on the calendar) and I met my first semester at Park University.  Elizabeth, a mutual friend, invited me to hang out with her crew for Galactic Bowling.  I met Jan that night, and it's been peaches and cream ever since.  Many friends pop in and out of our lives based on Chance's whim.  January, however, is one of those few friends who remains a constant presence and enriches my life. 

Every trip we took to J-Town delivered a new experience and bred new stories, which continue to be told.  They are a testament to the spontaneity which can be discovered in the monotonous.  For January, Jasper is a place where she can feel special.  Her Shangri-La.  Although elusive and illusory, its power lasting only a couple of days before Reality creeps back, it resonates with her still.  Several elements came together to contribute to this "otherworldliness" of Jasper.

Jasper is small.  January had lived in many small towns growing up, but nothing which compares to the massive shrimpicity of my hometown (quite the oxymoron, isn't it?).  It takes me longer to take a crap, than it took to give the comprehensive tour.  Even after spending time in Jasper and meeting Jasperians, Jan still can't comprehend what it would be like to grow up in a place so devoid of human beings.

Acceptance.  The residents of Jasper were quick to welcome January and my other "big city" friends into the fold.  It started with my dad taking us to Barto's for dinner as soon as we rolled in from KC.  We feasted on orgasmically good fried chicken (each crunchy, divine bite hinted with garlic) and watched the elderly patrons dance to polka music.  After dinner, my Jasperian friends welcomed my Kansas Citian friends with open arms and never-ending cups of keg beer.  Matt Evans left such an impression upon my Canadian friend Joe, that Joe brought Evo a Canadian t-shirt on his second visit.  The only problem was that Joe couldn't exactly remember what Evo looked like and ended up giving the t-shirt to Big Storm.  Oh well, Storm appreciated it.  

January garnered her fair share of acceptance as well, never failing to have the prospect of coitus laid upon her by my buddies.  One memorable night, she received three offers from three different gentlemen.  One of the suitors went so far as to ask for January's help out of the back of the pickup we rode in to the old Cadillac Ranch.  When she grabbed his hand, he pulled her in and plunged his drunken tongue down her throat.  

Weird stuff happens in Jasper.  I can't think of a more appropriate bumperstickerism for my hometown, can you?  The first night I brought friends down to Jasper, Matt Theil made sure their visit was a memorable one.  He offered to take my friends on a "real" Jasper road trip.  As we filed out of Evo's garage towards Theil's truck, Matt whispered the following to me: "Let's scare the shit out of the city folk."  The ensuing experience more closely resembled an off-road, jeep safari instead of a road trip.  He had us tearing through cornfields, mud holes, and even the creek behind Evo's house.  Matt showed little concern for the condition of his truck, seeming to aim for every hole he could find.  You'd have thought we were on a carnival ride, instead of a white Chevy.  As we approached the stop signs on sparsely populated roads, Theil would suddenly veer the truck down into the ditch in front of the sign, then back up through the adjacent ditch.  As he explained it: "Down here, you don't have to stop at a stop sign if you go in front of it."  Later on, another friend showcased the proper technique in taking down a "Tippy Canoe" road sign.  Needless to say, Theil's plan to scare my "city" friends was successful. (Disclaimer: the previously described behavior is NOT typical of a Jasper road trip)

The Cadillac Ranch also served as a haven for small town weirdery.  The building itself looked nothing like any bar my friends had previously seen.  "It looks like a big shed," said an incredulous January as we pulled onto the gravel driveway.  The infamous "flex-off," which was mentioned on a previous post, occurred when my KC friends were down for a visit.  We closed the bar down and, as we were walking back to our vehicles, Shannon Pankratz called out to Matt Rives and I, wishing us a good night.  Shannon had procured a drunken admirer who was propping himself against her car and, no doubt, flinging drunken flatteries her way.  When she called out to us, her aspiring beau flashed Matt, Canadian Joe, and I a provocative look and declared: "Hey! You!"  The three of us stood in a line and stared our adversary down.  Out of nowhere, he starts flexing his muscles, not saying a word.  We quickly glanced at each other, then immediately start flexing our muscles right back at him.  The only sounds to be heard were sporadic grunts and "You like this" or "Snack on that" types of phrases. There we were, four grown men, having a spontaneous "flex-off" in the middle of the Cadillac Ranch parking lot, with all the other patrons vacating the premises around us.  The incident carried on for a solid two minutes, then, as quickly as it started, ended.  The four of us simultaneously dropped our arms, stared at each other for a few seconds, then walked away from each other without saying a word.

To you native Jasperians, these brief anecdotes will, most likely, not seem surprising.  They may even inspire you to recall your own peculiar tales from our beloved town.  For January, however, these events are unlike anything she habitually confronts in the grind of the city.  Jasper's soil offers her a journey to a distant world fraught with unpredictable adventures.  Her Shangri-La.